Hipster Puntoff
On the first day of creation, GodHeadHipster created the Animal Collective record Merriweather Post Pavilion. (He was quite pleased with himself.) On the second day, he ordered Pitchfork to give it a 9.6. (GodHeadHipster already kinda fucked up.) On the third day, Hipster Runoff wrote Animal Collective is a Band Created By/For/On the Internet. (This is when all fucking hell broke loose.) On the fourth day, GodHeadHipster grew angry and told Idolator to jump on board; on the fifth, Spin fell in line. (GodHeadHipster has more loyalists than Obama.) But then on the sixth day, the woeful sixth day, Nick Sylvester told GodHeadHipster to get off his ironic ass and do something about it. (All was not well in the kingdom.) On the seventh day, everyone was too tired to rest. (Realzy: that Sylvester rant is in the running [hipster runoff!] for most inspired pop/internet writing of the year. Read it for this line alone: "Culture is a mating ritual. We are looking for ways to differentiate ourselves so as to attract one another. That is the deep dark secret of everything we do.")